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Department
of Redundancy Department
A Branch of the US Government
Life
- Be nice
to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- 3 kinds
of people: those who can count & those who can't.
- Sign on
baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
- Why is
"abbreviation" such a long word?
- Don't use
a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- For people
who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
- A doctors
exact words: I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
- I used
up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- Proofread
carefully to see if you any words out.
- There cannot
be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
- Ever stop
to think, and forget to start again?
- If one
synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- It's not
hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
- Help Wanted:
Telepath. You know where to apply.
- Look out
for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
- Do witches
run spell checkers?
- 2 + 2 =
5 for extremely large values of 2.
The
Dictionary
- Budget:
A method for going broke methodically.
- Car service:
If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
- Shin: A
device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
- Computer:
A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Computers
- Computers
make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
- My software
never has bugs. It just develops random features.
- File not
found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- CONGRESS.SYS
Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
- Does fuzzy
logic tickle?
- A computer's
attention span is as long as it's power cord.
- Windows
XP: Just another pane in the glass.
- SENILE.COM
found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
- Who's General
Failure & why's he reading my disk?
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